A tough blow and my recent motivation for running

So in life normally you have a plan. At least I try to have a plan. Kinda like a "life plan" but with Chris' military schedule you never know. After we had Audrey and things settled down a bit I always wanted a few more kids quick to keep them close together and then before I knew it I wanted to finish school first, and then we knew that Chris was deploying again so I put a halt to all of the baby talk for awhile. He was not here when I had Audrey and I refused to have go through labor and delivery again without being able to throw a hard object at Chris. No but being pregnant the whole time he was in Iraq and then not having him home for when I had Audrey was tough so we decided to wait until after this deployment to think about baby fever. So Chris got home from Afghanistan in September, Audrey turned 4 in October and I wanted to get through the holidays and let things settle down from homecoming before we decided to go back to the baby stage. 

So the holidays came and went and before we knew it we were pregnant! Very quickly I might add. But just as sudden as we were pregnant we lost the baby. So within a few month time period we had a pattern of this getting pregnant then not being pregnant. So by #3 in a short period of time the doc knew something was up... what?! I had a perfectly healthy pregnancy and a perfectly healthy baby with Audrey now you are telling me I may never be able to have kids again. Not once did I ever think that it would be a problem having another baby. That was hard to digest. Turns out he thinks I have aquired a blood clotting disorder which is making it almost impossible for my baby to carry a baby without medical intervention. So after sitting in my doctors office for an hour as he explains the options I was in shock then I began to sob. I am healthy, I work out, I am not under a huge amount of stress (normally) lol but I don't smoke, sure I enjoy a Miller Lite every once in awhile but I do everything right. So why me? He couldn't give me an answer. All he could do is give me options. I won't weigh all those out on here but what we decided that as family we were not ready to take on all the testing, injections and the thought of bed rest and a high risk pregnancy right now. Right now (and maybe never) was not a good time for us to try and pregnant again I had been through to much emotionally and physically the few months prior.  My "life plan" of having a few more kids and having a big family suddenly had to get reevaluated. So that's what I did. I reevaluated our life plan and I realized how lucky I am to have Audrey and that some women never find out why they cannot have kids. At least I had some answers even if I did not want to hear it at first. It's been a few months now since we received that news and we are completely content where we are at now. If we only ever have Audrey that is completely okay with us and I got the whole "you are still young" sympathy thing from a lot of people and yes we are still young so if in 6 months or 4 or 5 or even 6 years down the road we decide to try again that is always on option. But for now I want to concentrate on Audrey and my marriage. 

And then there is running. Running has always been an outlet for me. I wanted to run the Glass City marathon this past spring but that was in the madness of being pregnant, not being pregnant and my doctor advised me to cool it with long runs and such. But now that we have put having another baby on hold for awhile I am making my running a large priority in my life. I am excited for this summer and how many miles I can log. I started keeping track in a notebook and I am going to see how many I can get in between Memorial Day and Labor Day and follow that up with the Detroit Marathon in October. I think that eating clean, running, and working out will be the best thing for me and taking my body to the next level as far as fitness. I have always worked out out but sometimes half assed and sometimes I don't really take my runs and running serious. But knowing that I won't be getting pregnant anytime soon I am excited to see what I can do physically. It is time to do something for myself and I am excited for this journey :) Stay tuned as I'd like to post my runs and eating on here as I have time! Thank you to everyone for their support during such a tough time! And after a tough spring I am completely content with our little family of three it doesn't get better than this!

Praying Matises are good bugs... right?!

This is a story you would have to had seen to believe.. okay maybe you would have not wanted to see this. Audrey loves playing in the dirt, searching for worms, making homes for them and keeping them in her room. I have never had a problem with this. On a constant basis there is a whole shelf full of plastic containers with bugs in them. Normally they die or we chuck them out before the worms dry out no biggie. I love this about her that she loves to get dirty, she is not afraid of bugs but still likes the girlie princesses, putting nail polish over her dirty toenails (which I scrub but can not get them clean). I've learned nail polish is the best solution for dirty toenails for the summer lol anyways she loves bugs. So a few weeks ago while Chris was clearing some brush from the yard to burn he came across a cocoon on a small stick. Audrey was thrilled, Chris wanted to burn it but she HAD to keep it! So she ran it up to her room and put it in a plastic container (no lid I might add). She was ecstatic. So the weeks went on I kinda forgot about it and at most I thought a moth or something might come out of it. She had waved it around on the stick nearly smacking it on the wall, it sat on her window sill through cold nights, I honestly figured whatever was in there was never coming out. She on the other hand insisted a beautiful butterfly would emerge and then she would let it free. Okay, Audrey that is what we will do. But that is not what happened...

Audrey came running downstairs one evening, "Dad! There is a centipede on my bed!" Now I must say she does not like those although never do I... the legs creep me out. Anyways I sent Chris up there to do the dirty work and I figured it was the end of the story. As he slowly walks downstairs with a confused look on his face he says, "it wasn't a centipede... there were 3 baby praying mantises on her bed..." And he even did the short arm impression of them lol Suddenly the light bulb went off in both of our heads "OMG where is the cocoon?!!" As we went running up there it was a sight I was not prepared for. The beautiful butterfly cocoon that Audrey thought she had was actually a praying mantis cocoon!! And within minutes hundreds of these baby praying mantises were swarming out of their home and all over Audrey's room! They were about an inch long and kind of translucent and did look similar to those centipedes you get in your basement. I am not terribly afraid of bugs but I started to freak out. Chris just stood there almost in shock also I think. By now she had an infestation of praying mantises in her room! My first thought was to get the cocoon that continued to produce the mantises out the window so with a quick throw the cocoon went flying down two stories. The slow ones who hadn't made it out of their home probably survived the fall but everyone else was not so lucky. Chris immediately grabbed a can of bug killer and at least had enough sense to grab the bunny and guinea pig cage out of her room and began spraying. After unleashing an entire bottle all over her room we just shut the window and door and hoped that we got them all. 

Now, let me throw this disclaimer in there. I feel really bad about this. I would have never wanted to kill that many praying mantises I know they are good bugs and they are very cool when then are grown up there was no other option. There was no way that I could safely get them all out of her room I had no option. Next time we will be much more cautious about the bugs and cocoons being brought into the house. Never would I have imagined that small cocoon would have been a home to so many bugs.

Then the clean up process started... Luckily for Chris he left the next morning for training for two weeks so of course I was left to deal with it. After making Audrey a cozy bed on the couch for the night I have to evenutally go back in there. If you can imagine unleashing an entire bottle of bug killer on your 4 year olds room without regard you can imagine that everything had to be cleaned, washed, bleached, shaken out (the dead bodies were everywhere) and swept. So with my hazmat attire on I proceeded to begin the painstaking process of cleaning her room. And by the next day she was hoarding in roley poleys and worms again which is fine but another cocoon will have to pass through me before it comes into the house. Or maybe I should have paid a little more attention to my entomology (study of insects) class in college... I was a science major for petes sake! 

Hey guys! It's been awhile...

So my blog has seen better days. I haven't checked or updated in nearly two months! As this blog started it was a way of tracking and documenting our deployment last year and with Chris coming home last fall seems as if the blog took the backseat or as if there wasn't much to blog about. Life as civilians settled back in and life is good.  Another main reason for this blog was to keep Chris updated with pictures and stories from home. Let me tell you I really did enjoy keeping this blog while he was deployed. But now that he is back home and on Guard status (if that is even a word) he is home everyday and active duty military life has subsided for now (and that is okay with me). I decided to jump back on here today because Chris left yesterday for a little over two weeks for their annual training. Some say two weeks no biggie but as he left yesterday the memory and daily routine of him being gone quickly kicked in. This is the longest he has been gone since returning home after a year away last September. As the days were looming nearer I could feel myself getting anxious. I am not sure why... I mean I know 2 weeks is nothing compared to a few deployments yet I knew that this would be the first time Audrey and I would be left alone... again. The only problem with these short trainings is that by the time I get her in a routine and used to him being gone, he will be back. Which is fine of course! Well, enough about my whining about two weeks because honestly it isn't anything to stress about. Audrey and I will have fun these two weeks and keep as busy as possible! So what is going on here you ask? Or maybe you didn't but here is a quick rundown on life here...

Lets start with Audrey... whew! where do I begin? She is still doing gymnastics every week and loves it! She really took to it and actually she is really good (I'm not just saying that because I am her mom) her instructor as well as other parents can see her improvement as she progresses in the program. Other than gymnastics she loves to be outside, play in the dirt, and play with bugs (I'll share the latest bug story on another post...eekk) She missed the kindergarten birthday cutoff date by a few weeks so she will be starting a pre K in the fall in preparation for kindergarten the following year. And other than that she is your normal 4 year old who is a very bright and energetic kid!

Chris is still working at the Andersons but will be on active duty orders all summer which will be a nice break from work for him. He's still doing the gym thing and people definitely notice. I give him credit he gets up for work at 3am everyday, does his 8 or more hours, then hits the gym for a few hours all before I get home from work. We have been going to a few country concerts lately since he missed last summer and then spent memorial day weekend up North camping. Definitely a nice break from the city!

As for me I am debating on going back to school already! Am I crazy? No but it is something that I want to do and even though I have my Bachelors degree I want me. Kicking around nursing school or Grad school but debating on which direction to take. I am still running but taking it much more seriously as of late. Looking to log some massive miles this summer and get back into marathon shape... the plan is to run a fall marathon! Other than that Audrey and I will spend our summer nights outside and hope these two weeks fly by without a hitch! Look for more blog posts now that I am back into the groove here :)

March has come and gone... What's going on over here!

I can't believe that we are to April already and Chris has been home for 7 months! Woohoo! March seemed like such a busy month that I barely remember it and that means much of March did not make it up to the blog. Let's start with Audrey (because she is the one with the social life and busy schedule). She was the flower girl in a friend of mine's wedding... how fun! I tell you, it's alot of work having a kid in a wedding. But it was a beautiful wedding and Audrey looked soooo cute! It was alot of fun!


Flower girl taking a little rest pre wedding

She was a dancing machine

Don't mind Chris' awful Jersey Shore T-shirt. Apparently the dress shirt was to hot and this is acceptable at a wedding :)

The beautiful bride

The same weekend she had a birthday party for her friend Taylor... So bounce house, face paint and fun!

And then Easter snuck right up on us! So we made Easter chicks for our family craft and they turned out adorable. 

We added some feathers and glitter to these but by then Carter was over and it turned into a disaster so the camera was not involved.

Hanging with Carter who will be one already! Doesn't seem possible!

Getting some use out of the bean bag present from Easter

Oh I looove this!

Audrey is doing very well at gymnastics... ballet on the other hand... she doesn't seem to thrilled. Her gymnastics teacher approached me and told me how well Audrey was doing and how she was working with her individually because she can tell that "she gets it". At this age most of the kids just run and bounce around the gym like wild hooligans (which is fine) but I can Audrey really listens and improves her skills... And she really  likes it! We gave ballet a shot at the Y and she's been going for a few months now... not a whole lot of enthusiasm there. And that's fine! She was the one who wanted to try it but she doesn't really like it so we will probably not register her for the next session.

We were pretty bummed that she missed the birthday cutoff date to start kindergarten this fall by a few weeks. I really think she would have been ready to start but there isn't much we can do so now we've decided to put her in a Pre-K for the fall. That way she is with kids that are all on their way to kindergarten and out of the preschool environment that she is in now. So I think we are all excited for her new school in the fall :)

For me.. .well I've just been working a lot. The marathon thing didn't work out this year (long story). I know I committed but it was something that just wasn't in the books for me with the amount of things going on here. There is always another marathon. I've started my training and CPR certification for my volunteer gig. Starting May 1st that should be in full swing and I am pretty excited to get my foot in the door.

Chris has been working a lot, drilling, and working out a lot. He also picked up a security job on the weekends at a local bar with a buddy of his. This is a sensitive subject here in the Miller house. I am not real crazy about this idea. But I think he's bored. I think he needs something to do. I think he needs to beat someone up... no really. He had been home from deployment for 6 months when he brought this idea to me. I felt like it was either I let him do this or he will try to convince me to volunteer for another "vacation" as he calls them. So we are going with it. It's been a month now and he seems to really like it so we will see how it goes.

Well it was a long snowy winter here in Ohio but the sunshine and warm temperatures are starting to finally reach us here in Ohio. The house hunt is back on and we are hoping to seal the deal within the next few months. And we are excited for summertime this year with Chris home, country concerts, and spending time together with our busy schedule. 

What a day... What a trooper

Seems like every year Audrey's check up gets pushed back further and further in the year. This year they couldn't get her in until March... oh well she's a healthy kid she can wait till March. So yesterday was her 4 year check up (at 4 and 1/2) anyways doc says she's perfect and growing just they way she should. So I was pleased. But the oh so dreaded "S" word came up as the nurse was leaving. Since Audrey can't start kindergarten this year the nurse gave us the option to split up her immunizations and do 2 this year and 2 next year before the start of school or all 4 next year. I looked at Audrey and figured we should just do all 4 next year and just have 1 bad day rather than 2. So that's what I went with we will do 4 next year and just make it an one awful day. But after the nurse left Audrey looked at me and said, "I'll get 2 shots today." Really? I asked if she was sure and as she reassured me (as if I am the one getting the shots) and soon enough the nurse was back with her little tray of doom. The nurse instructed me to hold down her arms (like we had in years past) but Audrey just laid there and didn't even resist. As she puts the shots in she let our an "ouchie" and then she was done. What?! last year was awful because she knew what was happening and there was definitely a lot of crying. But this year nothing. No tears, no whining, nothing. She was excited about the cool band aids and the finger prick was nothing either. We laughed about the Elf scene where he gets his finger poked and screams like a girl and she was fine. I honestly was shocked I know that she's good in those kinds of situations but I was preparing myself for the worst. To top it off earlier that morning she had a dentist appointment where they had to fill a cavity. How does she have a cavity already?! I don't know she brushes her teeth and if it were up to her she would brush them 16 times a day but doc says that some people are just prone to cavities even if they brush. So our morning started our with drills and Novocaine and Audrey just laid there and took it. No complaining, no crying, no whining. One "ouchie" when he was drilling but otherwise she cooperated beautifully. On the way out the hygienist said she goes down in the books for one of the best at that age. I can imagine children kicking and screaming as soon as they got close to them with a tool. I was dreading this day because I knew we had both of those appointments but it went great! She's quite the trooper! I don't mean to toot my own horn but I think I've got a pretty good kid :) She definitely made the day go much smoother than I had anticipated!

Still kinda swollen from the dentist but this was after shots and she did great! 

St. Patty's Day... The Miller way

St. Patty's Day was spent the only way I know how anymore.... with Audrey :) No late night bar hoping, green beer or early morning kegs and eggs for us. Just a day with Audrey spent doing crafts and then dinner at my moms house. 

The green paint mess

4 leaf cloves canvases

These were cute! They were little leprechaun spoon puppets... plastic spoon, googly eyes, a little orange paint and a green hat!

A little St. Patty's Day gift for grandma

Annnd a 3 eyed monster! 

It was a nice relaxing day (we don't get very many of them) so I'd say it was a success! 

6 months home! "I Drive Your Truck" (cry warning on this one)

Chris has been home from Afghanistan for 6 months now and it has been awhile since I've posted personally about his deployment or about deployment, Afghanistan or about how the whole last year sucked.  But when Lee Brice's "I Drive Your Truck " came out so many emotions came rushing back. Everyone who knows me knows my obsessions with country music and how it impacts my life. The first time I heard this song and actually listened to the words I just began sobbing. As I was on my way to Walmart I parked the jeep and just continued to cry as ever emotion from his latest deployment came rushing back. I know how boys are with their trucks and this song became so personal and  tough to get listen to so of course I had to torture myself even more and YouTube the video. Holy crap Lee Brice you really did it this time! So by the time I was done putting myself through this I was a hysterical sobbing mess in the parking lot of Walmart  So after that day  every time this song comes on the radio you already know what happens. This morning while listening to the radio they were talking about where the inspiration for this song came from. Turns out the song writer was listening to an interview with a mother and father who had lost their son in Afghanistan and when asked how they cope with his loss they said, "we drive his truck." and continued on to explain the items that are still left in there from him. All I can picture is Chris' truck and how all the same things are rolling around in there. 

We are so lucky to have him home. 

It's been a long time since I have had to put a cry warning on a blog post (luckily) but this video is a tough one for any military family. 

Thank you Lee Brice for such a great tribute because I am sure there are so many military families who have had to go through this. God Bless you all.

Signs of Spring

There are no signs of spring here in Ohio as far as the weather. Actually they are calling for a few inches of snow tonight but I guess it is only the middle of March. Generally we have to get all the way through April until spring weather is in full swing. But here are a few sure signs of spring! Easter pictures!

Look how big these two are! Carter will be 1 already next month and Audrey just loves hanging out and helping out with her little cousin!

She really likes the camera if you can't tell :)

Check out Emily Manders Photography on Facebook to see other great pictures!

My Latest Adventure

After I graduated college in December I have been asked probably hundreds of times... "now what?" "what are you doing now?" Well people I am doing the same thing I have been doing for 6 years but at least now I don't have to go to class and I have a very expensive piece of paper that says I graduated college. Finishing college was a personal goal of mine. Although it would be great if I could land an amazing job right out of college it was about finishing school through all the stress and hardships of the last few years. Plus I kind of like this "part time working, more time at home Mom". Nothing about working 40-50 hours a week sounds appealing to me. And even now I don't really know what "I want to be when I grow up" so I guess now is as good of time as ever to figure that out. I landed a position doing Volunteer Trail Patrol at the local metropark which is already becoming beneficial as far as networking. At my first training class I met a lot of people and got names and contact information for other volunteer opportunities. I am pretty excited about this volunteer gig because as I was getting ready to graduate college I realized my resume was... well... rather empty. I have a solid work history in food service but that's about it (and I don't want a career in that field!) and with a very general Biology bachelors degree no one is ever going to look twice at my resume. I wish there was a bullet point on my resume that said, "I have been very busy the last few years with Audrey and my husband being deployed a few times that I have not had time for volunteer work and taking low paying crappy jobs that will give me experience.... I am lucky I finished my degree." I am kidding but really where was I going to fit in time for other work experience and volunteer time. One thing I have always been interested in is being park ranger so this trail patrol position will get me some experience and as we are "an extension of the park rangers" at the metropark I can meet and work directly with the rangers. So I am pretty excited to start this new adventure this summer as well as a volunteer opportunity at the zoo. They say networking is the way you get a big kid job anymore... I can network through the drunks at the bar at my work but I don't think they will get me to far so I have to look outside of Frickers. I really don't mind my job now and the money is terribly hard to walk away from so I always say, "Frickers is okay for now, but when it's not okay at least I have another plan." At least I know I won't be there forever. On that note, I better get ready for another lovely Saturday of dealing with angry tables, drunk men, and St. Patty's Day fools.  Enjoy your Saturday everyone :) 

"How about them cowgirls" George Strait weekend in Kentucky

The whole time Chris was deployed I was always ending up with a surprises for birthdays, anniversary, Mother's Day, and somehow I never knew. Flowers would show up at my work, massage and spa gift cards would appear in the mail, Keurigs would be delivered by friends. I think he had pride in knowing he could pull these things off from the other side of the world without me knowing. It was wonderful and he really did do wonderful things for me while being deployed! But now it was my turn. When we were on vacation in Tennessee post deployement we heard on the radio... "George Strait's last tour!" What?! So immediately I got on my phone to see where he was touring. Of course all southern states and not a single show in Ohio :( Chris and I talked about how amazing it would be to see him but with the closest show over 5 hours away it didn't seem reasonable. But as he continued to talk about it and I knew his obsession yes, it's an obsession with George Strait I knew I had to get tickets. A few weeks later the tickets went on sale and quickly sold out... at least that's what Chris thought. I was on it though! This time I was going to surprise him lol so along with my friend Katie and Ali we snagged tickets and I held onto them with my mouth shut for months. Anyone who knows me knows this was awful hard. I was so excited myself but wanted to wait until our anniversary to tell Chris. So the surprise went off without a hitch and we were going to see George Strait!! But it was only November and the concert wasn't until March... crap now that is a wait. But it seems like as quickly as we got the tickets March was here and we were going to Kentucky! I had been planning this weekend for months and everything went smoothly. Sometimes going out of town for 3 days without Audrey is more work than its worth. Arranging baby sitters, finding a house and dog sitter and everything seemed overwhelming but I had a plan and a to do list and we were leaving Friday morning at 9am no matter what! Well it quickly turned into 11am but finally we were on the road!

We stopped in southern Ohio for lunch with one of Chris' friends from deployment. That was a nice break and I know they were excited to see each other. Then to finish out the drive and finally get to Kentucky!

And we were here! First night out we headed downtown for dinner and drinks. We ended up at some pub and it was awful. Well not completely awful apparently the band that night was a girl from American Idol who had been kicked off lol but she sang country music so we listened for awhile. 

Saturday morning began just as I had hoped :)

We had lunch at the adorable cafe type place called Shakespeare and Co. we sat on a couch for lunch and used a coffee table to eat. The decor and atmosphere was remarkable. Definitely something different and a great start to the day.

We toured a brewery while down there was well

Apparently this stuff is 9% alcohol. I didn't know that as I enjoyed 3 glasses while at lunch... oops!

Holy hot messes!  Didn't plan on going anywhere after lunch but we didn't care!

So the brewery was really cool but it was time to get back to the hotel and get ready for George Strait!

Pre concert beverages

Martina McBride opened and she was amazing!

And there he was! Cell phone pics like usual and our seats weren't front row but it didn't matter we were there!

We have been to a lot of country concerts, we have seen a lot of people live, but this was by far the best concert we have ever been to. Absolutely amazing! His band was mesmerizing and although he pretty much just sat there and sang that's all George Strait has to do. It still gives me chills thinking about it. George Strait holds a special place for me. Right around the time Chris and I started dating "How about them cowgirls" came out and when I would go to North Carolina to visit Chris while he was stationed there this song always came on. He would sneak me into the barracks and then I would have to stay there all day while he went to work and sometimes I would just listen to the radio. I will never forget that song. So when he sang that one it was a toughy but what came next at the concert I did not see coming. 

So I already a sobbing mess and he announces that he is bringing a wounded veteran on stage. So out of a wheelchair and onto crutches an amputee and his wife come on stage to find out that they are getting a new house, free groceries for a year, and a new TV! Holy crap! The place goes nuts and I am hysterical! They had 4 kids and he had been wounded while serving in Afghanistan. George Strait you really did it this time. I had seen military tributes at concerts before but nothing like this. Absolutely breathtaking! 

So I would say you get the gist.... an amazing weekend with amazing people! The weather could have been a little better it was cold and snowing but that was the least of our worries.

Chris and I decided to stay an extra day since we don't get out much. So Sunday afternoon we spent shopping and hanging out in Lexington.

This was on a menu at the cute little pub ;)

And the rest of the day enjoying the sunshine and hot tub (from inside of course)

And then as fast as we got to Kentucky it seemed like it was already time to head back to Ohio... but I was ready! 3 days away from Audrey is the longest I have even been away and it was time to get back to her. I don't know how Chris does it spending a year at a time away from her. 

So thank you George for an amazing weekend and concert, an outstanding military tribute, and the best concert we have ever seen!