A tough blow and my recent motivation for running

So in life normally you have a plan. At least I try to have a plan. Kinda like a "life plan" but with Chris' military schedule you never know. After we had Audrey and things settled down a bit I always wanted a few more kids quick to keep them close together and then before I knew it I wanted to finish school first, and then we knew that Chris was deploying again so I put a halt to all of the baby talk for awhile. He was not here when I had Audrey and I refused to have go through labor and delivery again without being able to throw a hard object at Chris. No but being pregnant the whole time he was in Iraq and then not having him home for when I had Audrey was tough so we decided to wait until after this deployment to think about baby fever. So Chris got home from Afghanistan in September, Audrey turned 4 in October and I wanted to get through the holidays and let things settle down from homecoming before we decided to go back to the baby stage. 

So the holidays came and went and before we knew it we were pregnant! Very quickly I might add. But just as sudden as we were pregnant we lost the baby. So within a few month time period we had a pattern of this getting pregnant then not being pregnant. So by #3 in a short period of time the doc knew something was up... what?! I had a perfectly healthy pregnancy and a perfectly healthy baby with Audrey now you are telling me I may never be able to have kids again. Not once did I ever think that it would be a problem having another baby. That was hard to digest. Turns out he thinks I have aquired a blood clotting disorder which is making it almost impossible for my baby to carry a baby without medical intervention. So after sitting in my doctors office for an hour as he explains the options I was in shock then I began to sob. I am healthy, I work out, I am not under a huge amount of stress (normally) lol but I don't smoke, sure I enjoy a Miller Lite every once in awhile but I do everything right. So why me? He couldn't give me an answer. All he could do is give me options. I won't weigh all those out on here but what we decided that as family we were not ready to take on all the testing, injections and the thought of bed rest and a high risk pregnancy right now. Right now (and maybe never) was not a good time for us to try and pregnant again I had been through to much emotionally and physically the few months prior.  My "life plan" of having a few more kids and having a big family suddenly had to get reevaluated. So that's what I did. I reevaluated our life plan and I realized how lucky I am to have Audrey and that some women never find out why they cannot have kids. At least I had some answers even if I did not want to hear it at first. It's been a few months now since we received that news and we are completely content where we are at now. If we only ever have Audrey that is completely okay with us and I got the whole "you are still young" sympathy thing from a lot of people and yes we are still young so if in 6 months or 4 or 5 or even 6 years down the road we decide to try again that is always on option. But for now I want to concentrate on Audrey and my marriage. 

And then there is running. Running has always been an outlet for me. I wanted to run the Glass City marathon this past spring but that was in the madness of being pregnant, not being pregnant and my doctor advised me to cool it with long runs and such. But now that we have put having another baby on hold for awhile I am making my running a large priority in my life. I am excited for this summer and how many miles I can log. I started keeping track in a notebook and I am going to see how many I can get in between Memorial Day and Labor Day and follow that up with the Detroit Marathon in October. I think that eating clean, running, and working out will be the best thing for me and taking my body to the next level as far as fitness. I have always worked out out but sometimes half assed and sometimes I don't really take my runs and running serious. But knowing that I won't be getting pregnant anytime soon I am excited to see what I can do physically. It is time to do something for myself and I am excited for this journey :) Stay tuned as I'd like to post my runs and eating on here as I have time! Thank you to everyone for their support during such a tough time! And after a tough spring I am completely content with our little family of three it doesn't get better than this!