Vacation Time!

Whew! We have been going non stop since Chris returned home from Afghanistan 10 days ago! How wonderful to have him home but life just got so busy. Homecoming party, school, visiting family, and just trying to relax, the time is going so fast. And all of a sudden it was Tuesday and we were to leave for vacation the next day. How did that get here so fast?! No complaints but we were definitely not ready to leave town for 8 days. But after a few set backs and some stresses we were on the road yesterday just a few hours late.

 

This is so true!

We planned on leaving a day before we were to check-in in Tennessee to break up the 9 hour drive. Between Audrey and Hudson you can imagine how that drive could become stressful and very long. So yesterday we were on the road to start our 2 day drive down to Gatlinburg. Once we were finally on the road (about 5 hours behind schedule) things went very well. Audrey was wonderful (thank goodness for the Katy Perry DVD) and it wasn't until about the last half hour that she started complaining. We hit some storms in Kentucky but nothing major and by last night we had made it to our hotel in Lexington. Of course Audrey and Chris are still sleeping this morning so I am trying to catch up on homework before we get back on the road. Audrey is excited to go swimming this morning and then we will continue on our trip to Tennessee. Until we get home next week Thursday I will not be updating simple because I want a break from people, the blog, facebook, we are just excited to spend some time together just the 3 of us (well plus Hudson). Since the day Chris got home we have been bombarded with family and friends (which is wonderful) but we are just excited to get away for some time to relax. See ya'll next weekend :)

First Fall Craft and First Afternoon Alone

Short of Christmas, Fall is my favorite season. Apple cider, pumpkins, cool weather, hoodies and boots. But the best part of fall are the great crafts. You can virtually make a craft out of anything so Audrey and  I decided to make our first fall craft yesterday. Chris was leaving for the afternoon and I didn't think it would have been so hard. He was driving about an hour and a half with my brother to look at a truck but that meant he was gone for the afternoon.... for the first time since he got home from Afghanistan. He has been home for 1 week and we have spent about every second of that week together. For an entire year he was gone and I was left alone. When he left yesterday I looked around and somehow I was overcome by emotion. It brought back that entire year of sitting at the kitchen table just Audrey and I. An entire year of cleaning the house alone or having coffee alone. This week has been so wonderful as we spend time together that I didn't even think about how much the last year sucked but when he was gone all afternoon all those emotions came rushing back in. So Audrey and I had to stay busy. I wrangled up some fall supplies and we painted a pumpkin!

Just a foam pumpkin, some paint, and a few fake leaves off of a wreath hot glue gunned to the top!

I understand this is not a perfect paint job but that's what makes it great. Audrey helped with the dots and I just drew the "M" on the pumpkin with a pencil and I guided her and she did most of it! So a super simple craft to officially start Fall and the end of deployment for the Miller house!

Thank you Toddlers School

Deployment and understanding it is hard enough on adults so the little troopers of this whole process are heroes in themselves. I can't even process some things when it comes to Chris being gone for a year so you can only imagine how hard it has to be for a 3 year old. She is old enough to know that he is gone but not old enough to fully understands it all. Audrey's school has been intricate in her adjusting while Chris was gone. With my work and school schedule while Chris was deployed Audrey had to be a school 8-10 hours a day some days. Between the administrator at her school, Laurie making sure that Audrey was adjusting well and Mr. D quickly turning into a positive male figure while Chris was gone I cannot thank Toddlers School enough for their help with Audrey. Shortly after Chris left Laurie asked me for some pictures of Chris so she could make a bulletin board for him. Audrey helped her staple pictures, signs and flags and the board stayed up the entire time Chris was deployed. When it was time for him to come home they decorated the outside with signs and yellow ribbons to show their support for Chris and our troops and to welcome him home. 

They didn't have to go out of their way and do this for our family but they did. Not only have they been so supportive and helpful with Audrey for the last year but have supported Chris and our troops during this whole deployment. Audrey is such a good kid and she has adjusted so well through the changes of this whole process and I know some of that is because of the positive influence of her school. Thanks for all the support guys!

Homecoming!

We had been waiting for this day for an entire year. And I must have to say it was one of the best days ever... Homecoming. None of us could believe that it was finally here and until we were in the car on the way to Columbus I am not sure Audrey even understood. I was somewhat annoyed by the day at first. If that makes any sense I mean of course I was beyond excited but I just wanted to get the formalities of the day over with and get him home. We had to drive to Columbus to pick him up from the airport and although I was calm, I was stressed we were going to get lost, be late, or something was going to go wrong. We had to get dressed up, hope we were in the right spot, and all get there on time when he flight came in. And of course it all fell into place and once it did it was perfect. His flight was a half hour early (shocking, when it comes to Army standards) and we had planned to be there about a half hour early so right when we were walking up to the gate he was coming out! Perfect!

Audrey took off running towards him. It was priceless!

And finally after a very long year we were together!

Carter meeting his Uncle Chris for the first time :)

And as fast as we had him off the flight we were headed out of the airport. And it was finally over. We finally had him home. He has been 5 days since we left Columbus and seems as if everything has fallen right back into place before he left. Sunday night a few family and friends came over and the guys were outside talking about guns and war while the girls were inside talking about anything but deployment. Things literally fell right back into place. I cant belice that he has been home for 5 days already but we are beyond excited and taking in all the time we can with him. Tonight is his coming home party and next week we leave for vacation. What a long year it has been it is so nice to relax and enjoy our family finally back together!

1 year later

September 15th,2011. I can remember the day so vivid. He kept saying don't worry I will be back in a few weeks. And that was the case but I knew it was the start of a very long one year journey that has brought us back to September 15th one year later. He left that day and I headed off to work as he left for       his annual training for almost 3 weeks, he would be home for 4 days in October for their call to duty ceremony. I could do 3 weeks. Yes, but what I knew was that when September 15th got here he would be gone for a year. After the 3 weeks of training we were able to have him home for a long weekend where we celebrated Audrey's 3 birthday early and attended his call to duty ceremony. That made it all real. After all the speculation, he WAS deploying again. The morning he left for training he did such a "Chris thing" I almost should have expected it. He did not wake me up in the early October morning hours to say goodbye. He just left. He hates goodbyes. Rightfully so, I generally a sobbering,  hysterical                                          mess. He knows how I am. And he's the complete opposite. Cool, calm, collected but you can still see it on his face (as much as he tries to hide it from me) that he is upset. He left a note and a bracelet I had wanted and he was off for training for the next 3 months. The next time we would see him was one day  before Christmas. So the fall was hard. Audrey's actual birthday, our anniversary, Halloween, Thanksgiving, his birthday. Everything we did without him. A friend of mine whose boyfriend was deployed  last year once said "its like you go to these family things as his representative." and its so true!  But I knew Chris was in  the states and safe, I was able to talk  to him, it was just a matter of adjusting to life without him here. Quickly the hustle and bustle of the holidays took over and before we knew it he was on the bus home from training to spend the holidays home :) 

Okay that was the easy part. Insert the start of the blog and him leaving for Afghanistan. One year and 174 blog post later I can finally post he will be home tomorrow!! He left on January 2nd for Afghanistan. That morning was so horrible I know I have recounted it through the blog so many times. Just horrible. But I don't want to talk  about that day. What a year this has been. He has been home for about 13 days in an entire year. And somehow we did it. Chris always says that this makes us better people, this makes us have a better marriage, this makes us stronger. And I think he is right. It has been a  year of a lot of  tears, stress, worry, but also excitement and happiness. The everyday fear and stress of Chris being deployed can take you over. But we have had some pretty exciting times throughout the year also. I ran my first full marathon and I got to welcome our nephew, baby Carter last April. So I decided I could crawl in a hole and be miserable for a year or put a smile on my face and get through this the best I could. I have learned so much about myself. I have grown as a person and I think this deployment has made me a better person. I don't take anything for granted. Nothing. It is a lot easier during a deployment without kids. That has to be a given. Because not only do you have to keep it together for yourself, for your soldier but also for your innocent 3 year old that has no clue what is going on. Audrey and I have spent this entire year together every single day. There has not been a day in the last 365 days that I have not spent the day with her. She is one of the main reasons I got through this the way I did. For her. Not for myself but for her because the first time she seen me fall apart she still brings it up. "Remember when you were crying in the laundry room after my dad left" That broke my heart so I had to be strong for her. No more breaking down in front of her. She doesn't understand this so I have to try and help her get through this. We spent the winter months doing crafts, sending crafts and care packages to Chris, and I tried to help her make sense of this situation the best I could. She has become a beautiful and smart kid and as she turns 4 next month I know Chris is beyond excited to spend days with her fishing and playing on the living room floor like they used to. Some days I felt like I could not even get out of bed but other days it was so easy. I guess that's the cycle of deployment. Some days are easy and some are hard but if you look at the big picture another day over is another day closer to Chris coming home. That had to be my mind set. It can't rain everyday.

Okay enough about me. I can't even imagine even going one day without seeing Audrey.Try an entire year. How he does it I do not know. These guys are a different breed that would give anything to be home with their babies but at the same time know the job at hand. I am so proud to say that I am married to such a strong and thoughtful person. We have been through so much this last year but I really think it has made us stronger. This life is not for everyone. I have seen that first hand in other marriages and some people can't do it. But I think somehow I was picked for this. I said once, "I am a damn good military wife!". Coming from a military family I knew exactly what I was getting myself into and still dove in head first. Chris has made me a better person and I think he would say the same thing about me. He has sacrificed so much this year being away from us that I know he is ecstatic to get home and see his girls. So tomorrow is the day. We pick him up tomorrow. It is official. I thought about this post months in advance. When I could finally say that this is over. Tomorrow Chris will come home for awhile. Everyone always asks how long he will be home for. And the answer is I do not know. We never know what the world or the military will throw at us. He is already talking about another deployment but I am not. I want to get through this one first before we talk about another. So tomorrow it is. From here on out there will never be any more sad or sappy post just daily life with the whole Miller family adjusting to life after deployment. This is the last post I have to make while he is gone. So this is it folks, this is over. Tomorrow our lives will slowly but surely start to fall back into place and the three of us will be back together for good :) Also, I sobbed during the writing of this post. But anyone who has followed us the last year could have expected that! Thanks for all the love and support over the year I wish I could thank you all individually but there are to many people to count! Just goes to show the amazing support system our family had while Chris was deployed! 

Thank you so much from Audrey, Chris & myself!

Week 36 & an update on Chris

So for the past 35 weeks since Chris has left for Afghanistan I have done a quick weekly update for him, for myself and friends and family following this journey. Normally it consist of stuff Audrey and I are up to here at home, how I am coping (or not coping) with the deployment and how Chris was (yep, that's right) how Chris WAS in Afghanistan. Normally I would recap how we fared the week before and how the following week was looking for us. Going by weeks was the only chunk of time I could take and manage. Concentrating on 1 week both on the blog and in life made this deployment go a lot smoother and much more manageable. It is hard to think about life in chunks of a year or even in months at a time.  Instead of recapping Week 36 which basically consisted of spending the long weekend up North (I will posts pics from that soon), school and work. Pretty simple. Let's talk about life as the deployment comes to a very emotional end. As Week 36 came to an end Chris left Afghanistan last Friday and while keeping busy at work last weekend I was surprised to find out he had landed in the states yesterday! What a relief! We had a little glitch with our phones because when I called AT&T to have his military suspension lifted for his phone for whatever reason they disabled my text messaging on my line. Basically someone not doing their job right. So for about 24 hours once he had gotten to the states I could not understand why I had not heard from him and he was thinking the same thing about me. But today we figured all that out and we have been able to talk ever since :) It amazing talking to him  knowing  that we are in the same time zone, well almost but to know his nights are my nights and his days are my days here in Ohio. He is in Mississippi going through a week of briefs, medical and dental evals and tying up lose ends as he finishes up this year away from home. 

We are all beyond excited to have him home. But I have had a reaction that I never seen coming. I think I held it together (or at least try to hold it together) the whole time Chris was overseas that as soon as I found out he was in the states my body shut down emotional and physically. I know this is suppose to be an exciting time right now and don't get me wrong I am beyond excited but I just feel completely overwhelmed with everything going on. Thank god for my mom last night for watching Audrey as I could not even get off the couch at 7pm and I think I was sleeping a short time later at her house. It was like I had no other choice but to be the strong one, to be the one to keep everything in order and to try and keep sane at the same time that as soon as I knew this was "over" I just gave up. He should be into Ohio by this weekend and we really cannot wait but at the same time the preparation for him coming home is pushing me into full blown panic attack. 

We made a decision to move. Looking at it now I think it was the wrong decision because basically I have to have our entire house packed by this weekend on top of school work, work and 3 year old tantrums (which are horrible by the way). We are waiting to buy a house so we aren't "stuck" in northwest Ohio since I am done with school in a few months. But for now we have to move to a bigger house with a bigger yard for Hudson. So that's what we are doing. Well, that's what I am doing or at least trying to do.

I feel like I am more stressed now than when he left. This doesn't make any sense. I can feel my mind and body giving up on me because I don't have to be the strong one anymore I don't have to worry anymore, I don't have to live everyday literally in fear. I did not expect this to happen we are so close to finishing this out that I did not expect this reaction. I find myself in full blown emotional meltdowns almost at all times. Maybe it's the change. Maybe its knowing a good change but a change nonetheless. This is all our family has known for a year. I know I should be less worried, I should be less stressed, and just thankful that he is safe and in the states. And I am all of those things but at the same time I just want to give up. I just want to crawl into bed and not get out until Sunday when he is home. Also, knowing tomorrow is September 11th sends me into an emotional whirlwind and I think I am going to just stee clear of Facebook and the news all together because I will just make my self miserable by crying literally all day. Like I said I think I held it together for so long that physically and mentally my body is shutting down. Not how I planned on this week going by any means because I know this is suppose to be an exciting and happy time. So hopefully I can pull my head out of my ass and keep going through 2 days of school and 2 days of work and then its the weekend and hopefully Chris will be on the flight out of Shelby on Sunday. And if not, well, I am not sure how I will fare then. So Week 36 is over and it ended with his return to the states.!! Week 37 will (hopefully) end with his return home to Ohio and the end of a very long year deployment. Until then we just keep chugging along as the end is in sight and very near. What an emotional roller coaster this last year has been and I thank you all who have supported and followed us on here as I sometimes get very candid and personal with this journey. It's not an easy life but it's our life and I wouldn't change any of it :)

Fresh Beat Band: Take 2

We seen the Fresh Beat Band back in March at this beautiful theatre in Sanducky... it was awesome! Audrey was so excited and had so much fun so when I found out they were coming to Toledo we had to get tickets! But you know how 3 year olds go... one day they love something the next they don't seem to impressed. As we got closer to the date of the show she was excited but not nearly how she used to be about FBB. But we had tickets so we were going! She still had a lot of fun but it was a lot different this time. Plus, this show was on a Thursday night and she hadn't had a nap or dinner but luckily this show was a short one and the weather was nice that night!

A little bit of dancing

Haha

So I am sure that will be the last time we see the FBB. I think Audrey may be outgrowing this stage although we still had a lot of fun and it was a nice girls night!

A "quick" update!

What ISN'T going on in our lives right now! I feel more stressed and overwhelmed as Chris begins his journey home than when he left... doesn't seem right. Where do I start? Lets start with Chris. As far as I knew he was suppose to be on a flight out of Afghanistan last Thursday but turns out there was some kind of "miscalculation" and guess who was left in Afghanistan? Yes of course, Chris didn't have a spot on the flight. He didn't seem in to high of spirits that day (and neither was I) but on Friday he messaged and told me the next time I talked to him he would be out of country :) Ahh finally!! So only a 1 day delay so that's not to bad for the military ;) Hopefully he will travel on time through the weekend and be in country by Monday (that's my hopes anyways). For security purposes I obviously do not know his schedule but what I do know is that since I have not talked to him he is on his way out of Afghanistan! After a week in Mississippi he will finally be on a flight back to Ohio! So hopefully by next weekend we will have him home after a very long year. 

While all of this is great news I feel completely overwhelmed. I still have to work, school work still has to be done, and life is going on as usual here. At the same time I am trying to finalize vacation plans, work on moving, worry about finances and taking about a month off of work. Trying to plan his coming home party... hall, food, beer, guest list, getting invites, the list goes on forever in that department. I don't want him to have to worry about any of this stuff when he gets home so I am letting my plate completely overflow as I try to keep my head above water. Chris and my brother are on the hunt for a truck for Chris so he doesn't have to stress about that when he gets home. So I am stressing about that....  I feel as if there are not enough hours in the day to get everything done that needs to be done before he gets come. To top that off someone is trying to steal my identity. No really they are. Apparently someone is trying to take out cash advances in my name with all of my information. The same day Chris did not make it on the flight out of Afghanistan was the same day this whole mess started. Anything else? I spent most of yesterday morning at the police station talking with a detective. Hopefully this will get straightened out because I am not sure how much more I can take.

Okay, let's talk about the good stuff! The finish line is in sight and for once it finally feels like he is almost home. I knew it would sink in once he left country because prior I still had awhile here. Even as he begins his journey home we still have over a week (hopefully) until we see him. But finally we are to the end :) I always have said "good things happen to good people" and I truly think we are good people. Yeah, we like to have a few cold ones on the weekends but we are good people, we do good things, and I think we are a good family. For awhile there I felt like nothing good could happen to us. The bad luck just kept coming and with Chris' deployment it just made life miserable. But now things are finally looking up. Yesterday while at work this woman who I have seen in my work before but have never talked to her about our situation walked up to me and told me through a mutual friend she came across my facebook and blog. She was so cute and kept emphasizing that she was not a stalker but knew what our family had went through this year, thanked me, Chris and Audrey for everything Chris does and how hard it must be on our family. By now I am crying and gave her a hug as she handed me a substantial amount of money and told me to go spend it on something nice for ourselves. I was floored. She insisted I do not spend it on bills but to do something nice. After some more tears and hugs she was gone. It was like as fast as she walked up to me she was gone. What an amazing person! To do good for someone else is so amazing! It really made me realize there really are good people in this world and that good things happen to good people. I must pay it forward, I must take advantage of this to do good for someone else. Even if I cannot hand them a handful of money I could do good. It was a real eye opening especially after the week I had. 

Then I got home from work with a voicemail from an old friend I used to work with that she totally hooked us up at a very fancy hotel for our weekend in Cincinnati. After our family vacation in Tennessee, Chris and I are going down to Cinci for an Eric Church concert and a weekend away. I simply asked Adrienne if she knew a good place to stay down there since she lives in Cinci the next thing I knew she had us booked at an AMAZING rate at an amazing hotel! Ahh!! What an awesome person she is! I mean what good people we have in our lives :) So, we are beyond excited about a weekend away. Things are slowly but surely falling into place. We have a very busy weekend and week ahead of us but it will all be worth it when we finally get to pick our soldier next weekend. Thanks for all the the love and support and over this last year! From just listening to me vent, sending Audrey gifts, supporting our family, sending Chris care packages, and everything else everyone has done for us... We thank you! This journey is almost over and we could not be more excited to finally, after a year apart have our family together for good!

Heroes Run

Heroes in Action is an organization that is near and dear to our family during deployment. They send care packages to Chris monthly, send Audrey and I packages, and are available for support or anything we need. They hosted a 5K walk/run in support of our troops so of course we were there! 

A very early morning for Ms. Audrey

Marine Corps Band

Katie walked with us even with a bum leg! God love her for all of her support over this last year!

It was also Fleet Week in Toledo so we spend the rest of the afternoon checking out the ships!

That day meant a lot to me. We walked the 5K but it wasn't about a time it was about walking for Chris and the rest of the troops and support Heroes in Action. It was a beautiful morning for the event and I am so Katie was there with me for the support! God Bless our Troops!

Week 34 & 35 (The short version)

I havent posted in almost two weeks! Things have been crazy on our end. But we are getting down to that last few DAYS of the deployment :) The last couple weeks have been busy and exciting all at the same time. School started for me which makes life crazy in itself. Plus I am trying to get a good start on all my papers, projects and research now so that I don't have to try and concentrate on that when Chris gets home. Plus with vacation I have to get a lot of it done before then. Last weekend we did the Heroes Run and spent the day down at the river for Fleet Week. Audrey and I also seen the Fresh Beat band.... again. I cannot say it was a good as the first time and I don't think Audrey was as into it this time but it was nice to do something different. For Labor Day weekend we headed North to spend the weekend with the family. Took the boat out yesterday and spent the day on the lake.

Chris will be leaving Afghanistan on Wednesday and within the next 2 weeks he will be home :) The year is winding down and this is almost over! When I get home tomorrow I will get the gazillion pictures up that I have not had time to post but until then we will be enjoying the last of the summer sun and preparing for Chris to get home. Not sure that it has all set in here yet because we still have a few weeks until we see him but I know he is ready and packed to leave on Wednesday!