So for the past 35 weeks since Chris has left for Afghanistan I have done a quick weekly update for him, for myself and friends and family following this journey. Normally it consist of stuff Audrey and I are up to here at home, how I am coping (or not coping) with the deployment and how Chris was (yep, that's right) how Chris WAS in Afghanistan. Normally I would recap how we fared the week before and how the following week was looking for us. Going by weeks was the only chunk of time I could take and manage. Concentrating on 1 week both on the blog and in life made this deployment go a lot smoother and much more manageable. It is hard to think about life in chunks of a year or even in months at a time. Instead of recapping Week 36 which basically consisted of spending the long weekend up North (I will posts pics from that soon), school and work. Pretty simple. Let's talk about life as the deployment comes to a very emotional end. As Week 36 came to an end Chris left Afghanistan last Friday and while keeping busy at work last weekend I was surprised to find out he had landed in the states yesterday! What a relief! We had a little glitch with our phones because when I called AT&T to have his military suspension lifted for his phone for whatever reason they disabled my text messaging on my line. Basically someone not doing their job right. So for about 24 hours once he had gotten to the states I could not understand why I had not heard from him and he was thinking the same thing about me. But today we figured all that out and we have been able to talk ever since :) It amazing talking to him knowing that we are in the same time zone, well almost but to know his nights are my nights and his days are my days here in Ohio. He is in Mississippi going through a week of briefs, medical and dental evals and tying up lose ends as he finishes up this year away from home.
We are all beyond excited to have him home. But I have had a reaction that I never seen coming. I think I held it together (or at least try to hold it together) the whole time Chris was overseas that as soon as I found out he was in the states my body shut down emotional and physically. I know this is suppose to be an exciting time right now and don't get me wrong I am beyond excited but I just feel completely overwhelmed with everything going on. Thank god for my mom last night for watching Audrey as I could not even get off the couch at 7pm and I think I was sleeping a short time later at her house. It was like I had no other choice but to be the strong one, to be the one to keep everything in order and to try and keep sane at the same time that as soon as I knew this was "over" I just gave up. He should be into Ohio by this weekend and we really cannot wait but at the same time the preparation for him coming home is pushing me into full blown panic attack.
We made a decision to move. Looking at it now I think it was the wrong decision because basically I have to have our entire house packed by this weekend on top of school work, work and 3 year old tantrums (which are horrible by the way). We are waiting to buy a house so we aren't "stuck" in northwest Ohio since I am done with school in a few months. But for now we have to move to a bigger house with a bigger yard for Hudson. So that's what we are doing. Well, that's what I am doing or at least trying to do.
I feel like I am more stressed now than when he left. This doesn't make any sense. I can feel my mind and body giving up on me because I don't have to be the strong one anymore I don't have to worry anymore, I don't have to live everyday literally in fear. I did not expect this to happen we are so close to finishing this out that I did not expect this reaction. I find myself in full blown emotional meltdowns almost at all times. Maybe it's the change. Maybe its knowing a good change but a change nonetheless. This is all our family has known for a year. I know I should be less worried, I should be less stressed, and just thankful that he is safe and in the states. And I am all of those things but at the same time I just want to give up. I just want to crawl into bed and not get out until Sunday when he is home. Also, knowing tomorrow is September 11th sends me into an emotional whirlwind and I think I am going to just stee clear of Facebook and the news all together because I will just make my self miserable by crying literally all day. Like I said I think I held it together for so long that physically and mentally my body is shutting down. Not how I planned on this week going by any means because I know this is suppose to be an exciting and happy time. So hopefully I can pull my head out of my ass and keep going through 2 days of school and 2 days of work and then its the weekend and hopefully Chris will be on the flight out of Shelby on Sunday. And if not, well, I am not sure how I will fare then. So Week 36 is over and it ended with his return to the states.!! Week 37 will (hopefully) end with his return home to Ohio and the end of a very long year deployment. Until then we just keep chugging along as the end is in sight and very near. What an emotional roller coaster this last year has been and I thank you all who have supported and followed us on here as I sometimes get very candid and personal with this journey. It's not an easy life but it's our life and I wouldn't change any of it :)
No comments:
Post a Comment