1 year later

September 15th,2011. I can remember the day so vivid. He kept saying don't worry I will be back in a few weeks. And that was the case but I knew it was the start of a very long one year journey that has brought us back to September 15th one year later. He left that day and I headed off to work as he left for       his annual training for almost 3 weeks, he would be home for 4 days in October for their call to duty ceremony. I could do 3 weeks. Yes, but what I knew was that when September 15th got here he would be gone for a year. After the 3 weeks of training we were able to have him home for a long weekend where we celebrated Audrey's 3 birthday early and attended his call to duty ceremony. That made it all real. After all the speculation, he WAS deploying again. The morning he left for training he did such a "Chris thing" I almost should have expected it. He did not wake me up in the early October morning hours to say goodbye. He just left. He hates goodbyes. Rightfully so, I generally a sobbering,  hysterical                                          mess. He knows how I am. And he's the complete opposite. Cool, calm, collected but you can still see it on his face (as much as he tries to hide it from me) that he is upset. He left a note and a bracelet I had wanted and he was off for training for the next 3 months. The next time we would see him was one day  before Christmas. So the fall was hard. Audrey's actual birthday, our anniversary, Halloween, Thanksgiving, his birthday. Everything we did without him. A friend of mine whose boyfriend was deployed  last year once said "its like you go to these family things as his representative." and its so true!  But I knew Chris was in  the states and safe, I was able to talk  to him, it was just a matter of adjusting to life without him here. Quickly the hustle and bustle of the holidays took over and before we knew it he was on the bus home from training to spend the holidays home :) 

Okay that was the easy part. Insert the start of the blog and him leaving for Afghanistan. One year and 174 blog post later I can finally post he will be home tomorrow!! He left on January 2nd for Afghanistan. That morning was so horrible I know I have recounted it through the blog so many times. Just horrible. But I don't want to talk  about that day. What a year this has been. He has been home for about 13 days in an entire year. And somehow we did it. Chris always says that this makes us better people, this makes us have a better marriage, this makes us stronger. And I think he is right. It has been a  year of a lot of  tears, stress, worry, but also excitement and happiness. The everyday fear and stress of Chris being deployed can take you over. But we have had some pretty exciting times throughout the year also. I ran my first full marathon and I got to welcome our nephew, baby Carter last April. So I decided I could crawl in a hole and be miserable for a year or put a smile on my face and get through this the best I could. I have learned so much about myself. I have grown as a person and I think this deployment has made me a better person. I don't take anything for granted. Nothing. It is a lot easier during a deployment without kids. That has to be a given. Because not only do you have to keep it together for yourself, for your soldier but also for your innocent 3 year old that has no clue what is going on. Audrey and I have spent this entire year together every single day. There has not been a day in the last 365 days that I have not spent the day with her. She is one of the main reasons I got through this the way I did. For her. Not for myself but for her because the first time she seen me fall apart she still brings it up. "Remember when you were crying in the laundry room after my dad left" That broke my heart so I had to be strong for her. No more breaking down in front of her. She doesn't understand this so I have to try and help her get through this. We spent the winter months doing crafts, sending crafts and care packages to Chris, and I tried to help her make sense of this situation the best I could. She has become a beautiful and smart kid and as she turns 4 next month I know Chris is beyond excited to spend days with her fishing and playing on the living room floor like they used to. Some days I felt like I could not even get out of bed but other days it was so easy. I guess that's the cycle of deployment. Some days are easy and some are hard but if you look at the big picture another day over is another day closer to Chris coming home. That had to be my mind set. It can't rain everyday.

Okay enough about me. I can't even imagine even going one day without seeing Audrey.Try an entire year. How he does it I do not know. These guys are a different breed that would give anything to be home with their babies but at the same time know the job at hand. I am so proud to say that I am married to such a strong and thoughtful person. We have been through so much this last year but I really think it has made us stronger. This life is not for everyone. I have seen that first hand in other marriages and some people can't do it. But I think somehow I was picked for this. I said once, "I am a damn good military wife!". Coming from a military family I knew exactly what I was getting myself into and still dove in head first. Chris has made me a better person and I think he would say the same thing about me. He has sacrificed so much this year being away from us that I know he is ecstatic to get home and see his girls. So tomorrow is the day. We pick him up tomorrow. It is official. I thought about this post months in advance. When I could finally say that this is over. Tomorrow Chris will come home for awhile. Everyone always asks how long he will be home for. And the answer is I do not know. We never know what the world or the military will throw at us. He is already talking about another deployment but I am not. I want to get through this one first before we talk about another. So tomorrow it is. From here on out there will never be any more sad or sappy post just daily life with the whole Miller family adjusting to life after deployment. This is the last post I have to make while he is gone. So this is it folks, this is over. Tomorrow our lives will slowly but surely start to fall back into place and the three of us will be back together for good :) Also, I sobbed during the writing of this post. But anyone who has followed us the last year could have expected that! Thanks for all the love and support over the year I wish I could thank you all individually but there are to many people to count! Just goes to show the amazing support system our family had while Chris was deployed! 

Thank you so much from Audrey, Chris & myself!