Well it had been a few days since I had heard from Chris and by last night I started to worry. The internet and communication is wonderful but it also has its downfall. When I have noticed neither Chris or any other guys out there have been online I start to panic. When something bad happens out there they go into "blackout", it was called River City when he was in Iraq but they do this so the families can be notified properly. All communication is blacked out but when this happens it is a red flag for me back home. Its ironic because my brother just asked me on Monday if they go into River City much and I said no. Seems as if things have been pretty quiet for awhile. But when I hadn't heard from Chris by last night I started to stress. I told my friend I was a worried last night and she told me to stop thinking about that I was just stressing myself out. As time started to pass I knew that no news was good news but still that did not make my nerves any calmer. I woke up quite a few times through the night looking for a message from Chris and there was nothing. I woke up this morning with a knot in my stomach because I still hadn't heard from him. Again thinking no news is good news. I turned on the news this morning and they said there was U.S. casualties in Northern Afghanistan and then I felt sick. I jumped online and again nothing. I googled and tried to find more information on what happened and this what I read Attack kills 3 American Soldiers. Why do I do this to myself?? By now I am sick but I knew that if something had happened to Chris I would have known by now (I hope). But I am still panicked. Eventually I seen some of Chris' friends get online and then post about sending condolences for the soldiers lost and their families. I knew it had to be their guys. Oh, God now I am really sick. I again tried not to stress but I couldn't help but be worried I still hadn't officially heard from Chris. So I started cleaning so that I would not just sit in on the computer and stress. Then he sent me a message. Thank god. He is fine but the casualties and injuries were his guys. I wish there was something I could do to comfort him. All he could say was "it was a long day". Chris doesn't worry about much and insists that I do not worry but I can't help it. Like I said it is wonderful with the Internet and the communication but sometimes I wish I did not know as much as I do. So with a day off today I am going to try and stay busy but I already know how today is going to go. I will walk around in a fog of "what ifs" and get nothing accomplished. May God Bless the soldiers killed in these most recent attacks and may their families find comfort somehow. I just want this to be over.
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