The Aftermath...

Well yesterday went exactly how I thought it would. Not good. I had the day off work because I had tickets to the Sugarland concert but as the week went on I had not found a babysitter. I had many people offer that I would trust but it was people that Audrey did not know so there was no way I could send her with someone she didn't know with the adjustment issues she was already having. It was fine though because after the day we had yesterday I had no desire to be at a concert...

After finally hearing from Chris yesterday morning and hearing that the lost soldiers were from the 148th I already knew how the day would go. As news broke that it was an Ohio National Guard unit that was hit the text messages and phone calls started pouring in from friends and family inquiring that Chris was okay. Then the call from the National Guard confirming that my soldier was not injured. Although this time it was not from the FRG and seemed much more professional and informative than the last time. We all remember that phone call. But this time I had talked to Chris and had information so the Guard phone call was more informative than panic. I was living in fog yesterday, I could not formulate my thoughts and everyday things that I do I had to actually think about. I wish that I was at work yesterday... being at home was not a good idea. A girlfriend text me on short notice to get lunch so as I tried to find clothes to wear I couldn't even think. I mean something as simple as getting dressed seemed like work. I just stood there staring at my closet then walking into the laundry room then going back and staring at my closet and then sitting down because I did not know what to do next. After lunch I went to go get Audrey's Easter stuff and still could not even think. I sat in my car for awhile crying while I responded to the many text messages from worried friends and family for both Chris and I. I picked Audrey up from school early and we enjoyed a quiet evening at home. I am so glad we got those concert tickets sold because that is definitely not something I could have done. Especially Sugarland! I would have cried the whole time!

This morning as they release the names and faces of the soldiers killed from the 148th I just cry more. One had a 15 year old son while the other had 2 young daughters. And even though Chris tells me that I cannot do this to myself I just cant help but putting together the what ifs and I hate it. I need to steer clear of Facebook because so many of the guys and families back home are posting things about the incident. It just makes even more sad because I cannot imagine the pain the families or of our guys in Afghanistan.

I worry everyday and sometimes I take days for granted. I am so very thankful that I received the phone call that Chris was not injured and pray for the families that were not as lucky. Even today I think how things could change so quickly that is the worst part of this. Something as simple as the UPS guy pounding on my front door makes me go into full blown panic. Literally praying before I open the door. Chris is so nonchalant about everything and he acts as if nothing bothers him and he expects me to do the same. But we all know that is impossible for me back home. I go back to work today and although I know that I will not want to be there it is better than being at home alone. Yesterday was a hard day at home but not nearly as hard as for the 148th in Afghanistan and not even barely comparable to families of the lost soldiers. May they find comfort somehow. I cannot imagine.

Thank you everyone who is thinking about Chris and the rest of his guys. Thank you for everyone thinking of Audrey and I. This latest incident hit entirely to close to home and I hope we do not have to go through something like this every again. If everyone could take some time out of their day and pray for the fallen soldiers: Sgt. 1st Class Shawn T. Hannon, Capt. Nicholas J. Rozanski, Sgt. 1st Class Jeffrey J. Rieck, and their families. Also, for all of our guys in Afghanistan and pray for their safe return.

True American Heroes who gave the ultimate sacrifice.

Stay strong 1-148th! And may God bring my husband home safe.