You know those days when you wake up and just know it
is going to be a bad day? Well yesterday was NOT one of those days!!
Coffee, running, news, all in before 7am! Already off to a good
start.... then Audrey shocked me by walking into the front room up
and moving at 8:30am. Breakfast, hair, and dressed by 9am... this is
fantastic! Then the meltdown started because we could not find her
"pink blankie" to take to school. Turns out we left it at
Donna's and she was not up yet that morning so I tried to talk her
into taking her "good blankie" to school. She wasn't having
it! Which I get it, she takes this pink blankie to school everyday
and now I am expecting her to go without it. Needless to say, it
wasn't pretty. She walked into school with an attitude and on the
brink of tears but I had to leave for work. I mean I guess that is
why we pay them so much money for preschool is so they can handle a 3
year old with an attitude. And she is so wonderful at school turns
out the attitude was just a show for me because she was fine as soon
as I left... go figure. Even with the meltdown I felt like it was
going to be a marvelous day! I mean it was 51 degrees and the sun was
out in the middle of January!! I could NOT have a bad day!
That was until the evening came around. We had dinner
with Cheech and the kids and they were absolutely wonderful at
dinner! Which is sometimes a hit or miss with a busy 3 year old and a
curious 11 month old. But it went off without a hitch. Came home and
jumped on facebook after Audrey went to bed where I caught wind that
a soldier's family had made a trip to Mississippi to visit their
soldier. And I was devastated. I didn't even know this was possible
and I was so upset that Chris did not tell me. And this turns into a
fight. Our first fight since he left 4 months ago. Married is a lot
of work, any married couple will say that (and if they don't they are
lying) and add in these excruciating circumstances and it will send
you into stress overload. Chris tells me that he didn't couldn't do
the "goodbye" again because it is easier for him...but it is
not easier for me. I think it would have been good for Audrey and for
myself to see Chris again before he leaves the states but he had
other plans. So quickly my devastation turned into anger which
escalated the fight even more. Then I was upset that we were even
fighting in the first place... it felt so wrong considering the
circumstances. He is about to leave for 9 months and here we are
fighting about something that at this point I have no control over.
He didn't tell me because he knew that Audrey and I would have been
on a plane that day heading to Mississippi! But to me, at the time it seemed as if he did not want to see us. I know this is NOT the case but in the middle of my breakdown that is how it seemed. And I didn't take his
feeling into consideration when I flew off the handle and got so
upset but I guess this is what stress will do to you. The
circumstances we are in right now are excruciating and exhausting on
both him and I. They say "distance makes the heart grow fonder"
but I think that is a bunch of crap. It is not easy spending everyday
without your husband. And even though I am still able to talk to
Chris that does not make this any easier and by this weekend the
frequency of communication will end quickly.
I reached out to my friend Heather who has 3 teenage
boys and whose husband got back from deployment last year. I just
begged her to tell me that it was normal that we were fighting
because it just felt so wrong. And she said it is normal, how to deal
with it and what to do in future situations. Thank god for her
because with not living near a military base there are not a whole
lot of military families around here.
So after a emotional evening I went to bed and feel
much more refreshed this morning. Chris and I will not agree on
anything and I'd be crazy to pretend like we will. Marriage is hard
work, but it its worth working hard for!
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