Yesterday started out rough. Very rough. Hudson had me up at 5:45am and although I am definatly a morning person there is something about looking at the clock and it not say 6 something.... 5 just seems like it is still nightime. Anyways, 5:45 it was, so the coffee started brewing. Worked out like usual, picked up the house a little, watched the news then got ready for work. Going decently smooth now until I started with Audrey who is definatly not a morning person! After 2 years of not sleeping through the night she is now the kid that I CANNOT wake up in the morning. And I am not asking for much just up and moving by 9am.... Not his kid! Anywho, the crying and yelling starts. She will not get dressed, eat breakfast or let me do her hair. So I just begin to physically do it myself which of course turns into a bigger fight. Finally, we are ready to leave where she decides that I have to carry her to the car. Well my hands are completely full with purse, lunch, her belongings and my travel coffee. No room for a 3 year old who clearly can walk to the car by herself. While screaming and trying to stand in from of me and insisting on me carrying her I lose my coffee. Not happy. I drink ALOT of coffee and the fact that my travel coffee just exploded all over the sidewalk does not make me happy. Finally we get to the car and she's screaming the whole way to school. I give her a little pep talk and finally she calms down and walks into school with a smile on her face.
So now onto work for me....
While driving to BG I look around at what a dark and dreary day it is and my mood just sinkens. I am very dependent on the weather and the sun. The beginning of January has been beautiful and may be the reason I have been able to cope so well the last 12 days since Chris left. But yesterday was cold, windy, cloudy and some kind of precipitaion was falling. Could have been rain, sleet, snow I don't know but it was gross. I walk into work and the first thing I hear is "Having a bad day?" It must have been evident on my face. So I go to the bathroom to regroup. Do a little breakdown, put some make- up on and get ready to put a fake face smile on my face. As soon as I walk on the bathroom floor (that had just been mopped) I bit it. Hard. Completely wiped out and smoked my knee on the tile floor. I didn't think I was hurt I was just pissed now. And a complete breakdown followed. I was texting Chris, hysterically crying, and just thinking about going home and crawling back into bed. When he texts me, "You can't fall apart, you are holding me together." and then it hits me... I can't lose it already it hasn't even been two weeks. He is right I am the one that has to be strong, I have it easy. So I dried my eyes and went back out to work with a smile on my face. And the day went up quickly from there and the rest of the day was just fine thinking tomorrow has to be better... we all have a bad days sometimes.
Well when I woke up this morning my knee was twice the size of normal with a nice black and blue bruise covering the whole thing. So I guess I had hurt myself when wiping out on the floor at work. Hurts to walk so I better take a day off from running or working out. Sometimes running is the only way I get through my days so hopefully this is just temperary but either way I am not to happy. So today hasn't started up much better than yesterday but I refuse to let it get to me.
Everytime I think I have it hard or I feel exhausted I think of the mother sitting in front of me at the Call to Duty ceremony with 4 young boys. Her husband is with my husband so I know she is home doing it all on her own. Their ages were probably about 8, 5, 3 and a very little baby in her arms as she sent her husband off to war. So when I think that I can't handle a temper tantrum from Audrey or I feel to exhausted to get on the treadmill, I think of her (who I do not know her name) And she is my motivation because I have it easy compared to others :)
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