One Week Down

It has been one week since Chris left Ohio. He is still in Mississippi for another week which is comforting but it doesn't make him being away any easier. Looking back on this week I think I finally have come to terms with this deployment. For so long there was just talks of him being deployed so in my mind I just pretended like it wasn't going to happen. That is until it all hit me on January 2nd when he walked onto that bus.... Even the time he was home I didn't want to think about him leaving so I just pretended like it wasn't going to happen so I don't think I was fully prepared for that dreaded morning. I just remember crying, hugging him and holding onto the collar of his sweatshirt hoping that he would stop saying "Okay, I have to go." That day was such a miserable day I tried to stay motivated and keep busy but all I wanted to do was crawl into my bed and cry. I was sad, upset, and then I was mad. Mad that HE had to go... he had already finished up his active duty time, we had already been through a deployment to Iraq, and he was going to miss out on so much with Audrey for a year. My sadness quickly turned to anger and he knew it. As I talked to him that day as he was on the bus to Mississippi he tried to comfort me but I felt as if there was no way I was going to be able to do this.

That day I received numerous phone calls, text messages and support on facebook from friends and family. It was hard to talk on the phone when my mom and dad called to check in on us that day it was all so raw and new. I couldn't even speak sometimes especially when Audrey went to play with the neighbor and I was by myself, that was the worst. But that was ONE week ago...

I can't tell you how many times I have been asked, "How do you do it?" I do it because I have to. I do it because I have to stay strong for my brave little 3 year old at home. I it because I have a very brave soldier that will have a much harder year than me, so I do it for him. My anger quickly turned to pride and although I am still sad Chris is not home that sadness began to be overshadowed by the love that I have for my family. I am not anger that he had to leave, I am proud of what he does for our family and this country. This has not been an easy week by all means but I feel like this is going to be the hardest one yet and if we can get through this week... we've got this! Chris still has his phone and when I am having a hard day or even something exciting happens I can tell him which is very comforting but soon that will end. So I will write down everything, I mean everything. I don't want him to miss a thing with Audrey this year. Pictures,videos, journals, and this blog will be my outlet to ensure he sees or hears about EVERYTHING!

After last Monday was over I knew I had to pick myself back up and stay strong for both Audrey and Chris. I knew he would not be able to fully concentrate on his task at hand while deployed because he'd be worried about me and I can't have that. So Tuesday, Audrey went back to school and I went back to work. I began working out again and life is quickly falling back into place as much as possible without Chris home. Routine is key with Audrey! And after 10 days of no bed time, wake up time, nap time, etc. she has plunged right back into the schedule of our busy life. She is signed up to start a swim class this week and after much deliberation I have registered for classes this semester! We were able to play outside yesterday and took Hudson for a walk while jumping off tree stumps in the field. Who would have thought we would have such great weather in January! Keeps us from being cooped up in the house on the weekends :)

I think Audrey and I have come a long way in one week and look forward to embarking on this journey taking it one week at a time. Not to say that we do not have bad days but we have to stay positive for him. The sun is shining so lets jump into another beautiful week and stay motivated!

God Bless Our Troops!