6 Weeks Down!

Here we are a month and a half into deployment and I think I have went through every stage of feelings thus far, but I did it very quickly. From anger to resentment, to finding a balance in life. After Chris left I felt like this year was never going to get going. That first day felt lonely and miserable and never ending. I only had one of those "I can't get out of bed" days and that was the day we dropped him off at the armory. After that I knew I had to get back up and do this. I knew it would not be easy but the fact that I had a very smart 3 year old here at home I knew I had to do this for her.  That first day was hard and I will never forget it but after that it seems to get easier everyday. After the craziness of the holidays and Chris leaving we plunged right back into our busy schedule head first! Sometimes I feel like I have to much going on and sometimes I feel like the balance isn't there. But that is when I reevaluate our schedule and life and get it back on track. Saying no to obligation I know we do not have time for and would rather just stay home and hang out instead. We do not get to do that much and I think it is important to just spend a day in our jammies and do nothing. I think balance and routine are key. Balance for me and routine for Audrey. Once I found that balance I think it made everything that much easier. Not to say that I have everyday figured out because I don't. Some days are harder than others. It is easy to sit back and feel bad for myself when I have bad day but everyone has a bad day.... tomorrow will be better. I feel like in the last 6 weeks I have learned a lot about myself and our marriage.

  I cannot imagine sitting here feeling bad for our situation for an entire year. If I did that I would go crazy. For me, it is easier to stay busy and think of the positives of our situation. One being that we are able to talk to Chris just about everyday! His phone service is officially suspended after that phone bill fiasco but he has access to the Internet and phones to call home almost daily :) Yesterday Hudson decided to put a tooth through my cell phone though which in turn has made communication a bit harder.

Although we have a house phone, yesterday Audrey and I ran to the store and I missed Chris' phone call. I had a few messages on Facebook and a missed call from him and I was devastated and then I got mad. This was the first phone call I had missed. I mad at myself for leaving my phone within reach of Hudson and mad that now I couldn't talk to Chris. For a month or so I have been going back and forth about getting an IPhone. I needed a new IPOD anyways cause I had like a 1980s version that barely worked anymore. So I figured why not just spend a little more and get an IPhone but I had a working phone so there was no sense to spend the money. Well look how the times have changed! So I ordered a IPhone and hopefully I will get it here soon because I am lost without my phone. I will only be able to talk to Chris now when we are at home (which is rare) so the chances of me catching a call from him are slim.

 As for this week with Audrey she was able to play with her friend Taylor..

Haha not very good pictures of these two but you get the gist!

Note, the battle wound on her eye courtesy of Hudson's big foot!

Audrey has been begging to get these paper dolls out all week so we made some time to play paper dolls. I remember doing these when I was a kid! The perks of having a little girl :)

She found one of Dad's hats and insisted to wearing it to the store :)

And a little update on our countdown!

This is what a month and a half looks like in our jars... eh, that is not very comforting!

But we are almost half way through February already!!

As for me, my running took a back burner this week (not good). Monday was suppose to be my rest day but somehow Wednesday, kind of Thursday, Friday, and Saturday also became rest days! Crap! Chris called mid run on Thursday so obviously I took the call and then was out of time to finish the run when we got off the phone. Friday I must have just been exhausted and slept until 8:30 am! That never happens normally my internal alarm clock along with Hudson are up at 6am. Oh well.

Friday night I was able to get out with Cheech for a few drinks and some adult time. Nothing major just a few beers at BW3s but it was enough to make me not have the motivation to get up Saturday morning and run. Crap. Also, the weather was pretty crappy this weekend and I really struggle running outside when it is 20 degrees. Sunday I had no choice but to get some miles in on the treadmill. Ugh 7.5 on the treadmill is miserable. But I had downloaded a coping with deployment book onto the Kindle and had the music blaring and it went by pretty quickly.

Now this week I must make some to get some runs in outside. It is a must or I will be walking the marathon for Team Miller. I better get my butt in gear! Gotta log alot of miles this week!!

As for Chris I think he is starting to become a little homesick. I do not know how he functions with out Audrey. And sometimes I think he wonders the same thing. The video posted last weekend of Audrey broke his heart. I did not post it to make him sad but more to let him see how much she misses him and that she talks about him daily. She talks about all the things they will do when he gets home and how much she misse him. But to her she still thinks that he is coming home tomorrow. Breaks my heart...

Sounds as if the weather conditions are miserable... cold and wet. He hasn't received any of our mail yet due to the weather, not a real big morale booster :( So he spends most of his free time either on the computer to us or at the gym.

He still has the bead bracelet on that Audrey made and sent to him when he was training in Mississippi :)

As week 6 comes to a close I feel as if Audrey and I have adjusted well to our "life" while Chris is in Afghanistan. Life must go on here as much as we do not want it to without him home. But we will all be miserable if we let this situation get to us more than it already does. I think it makes Chris cope better in Afghanistan knowing that Audrey and I are doing okay here. Life is hard some days as I live as a "single mother" but it doesn't make any sense to be miserable here everyday.  So we make the most out of everyday and look forward to the days when Chris will be home in the fall!