Am I Cracking Up?!

Recently I have tried a new tool to relieve stress. Venting... of course everyone vents but most people vent to someone who can relate to the situation. You vent to co-workers about work. You vent about family to other family members. You vent about kids to your friends. Well sometimes I feel like I have no one to vent to when I have a bad day. I get home from work and I have a 3 year old mind and a computer and no other adult interaction. People at work don't understand what I am going dealing with. My friends at school don't understand what I am dealing with (most don't even know my situation) Not really something I go around announcing to people that I get coffee and study with once or twice a week. Plus, I do not want to burden others with my stress. Everyone has a lot going on in their own lives. Some days I just want to talk to Chris. Most nights I just need to vent to him. When he is home, usually in the evenings I would call him on my way home from work I and vent. Now I don't have that luxury. He is probably sleeping as it is nighttime in Afghanistan when I am getting off work and I can't exactly just pick up the phone and dial his number. Plus, I don't want to worry him with the my minor issues here. Cause it never is any big catastrophic thing... just generally something I need to get out to him. I don't want to email him to vent or email him with details every time I have a bad day because I don't want him to worry about us here. And when I do get to talk to him I don't want to talk about the bad stuff I can't vent to him about a bad day here when he has so much going on there.

So I started video recording these venting sessions on my computer. First, with the intent to send them to Chris but then realizing he cant worry about some of the things going on here. So now it has just become a useful tool for me to get the way I feel out at any time of the day. Even if no one is listening. At least I can talk or cry or laugh or whatever. At least I have someone to talk to... even if it is just myself on the computer. I say everything that I would say to Chris if he was here. At some points I feel like I am crazy as I am yelling and cussing at the computer but it makes me feel better. So it should be interesting how these web cam videos turn out as time goes on. I may save them to let Chris see them when he gets home but I may just delete them but either way they are helping me now. Once I get done venting, yelling, crying, laughing or whatever I am feeling I feel 100 times better. I have gotten all the emotions that I had been keeping inside and then I can move on with my day or night. I never do this around Audrey as she is very smart to pick up my emotions so I try to stay positive around her all the time. Generally, these are late night venting sessions when I can't sleep and need someone to talk to or very early in the morning.

Hey, maybe I am cracking up but it works for me!!